Colorless (3/3)
Jul. 16th, 2016 01:16 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
aranixTitle: Colorless (3/3)
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
nidesux a.k.a moi
Length: Multi-chaptered. 9,000+ in all. (edited a bit on the last one so the word count got longer)
Pairing: Ohno x Aiba a.k.a Ohba/side pairing(s): Matsumiya & Sakuraiba
Rating: PG-13
Genre: AU Fluff, drama
Summary: In a world of gray, an artist like Satoshi would crave to know what color is.
Note: Last one! This was fun to write. Ohba a.k.a my "smol&tol" ship. Hehe. I feel rather proud of myself for actually writing a multi-chaptered fic, though tennen pair aren't my otp. I just like them so much! Hopefully I'll be able to conjure up something like this as well for my other ships. This was a new experience, at least for me to write something like this. Lol.
It’s been a few days since Toma’s birthday party, and it’s been a few days since he had last seen Aiba and Sho. He made sure now to lock the doors to his studio whenever he’s there, just to be safe. He felt guilty for some reason, yet he felt happy at the same time that he was right about Aiba. What he can’t help but think about though is why the colors don’t stay. Jun told him that it’s because he and Aiba haven’t stayed near each other for a very long time, and that it happened with him and Kazunari before.
He ended up painting three pieces that day, and it was way past midnight when he decided to go home and get some sleep. But of course he just had to run into Sakurai Sho on the way to the elevator. They talked, but things felt awkward. Satoshi knew that the other knew why the person he loved suddenly became dizzy the other night. Still, Sho was respectful towards him, and so was he, despite the tension between them the elevator ride down.
“How’s Aiba…-san?” he added the suffix a moment too late, but he was glad that Sho didn’t take much notice in it and just answered seriously. Aiba is good, he said. He just got dizzy because of work. But the look Sho had on while he told Satoshi this was different, and he knew what it meant. It was the “I-can’t-believe-you’re-the-one-my-lover-is-destined-to-be –with” look.
Again he felt guilty. But it wasn’t his fault that fate just fucked up and made him and Aiba a match. Satoshi wanted to tell him that, but before he could do so, Aiba came running into the lobby. The couple greeted each other with a hug and Aiba greeted him with a bow. All he could do was gaze at them both, feeling a pang in his chest he chose to just ignore. Satoshi left immediately, leaving the two in the lobby as he made his way out of the building and walked all the way home, as per usual.
He’d never feel the same towards you, Satoshi mumbled to himself as he walked; the words Sho said to him at the party the other night about loving someone despite them not being the key to a colorful world came rushing back to his mind. He massaged his now aching head and wondered why fate is too unfair. Because even though he wants Aiba to be his, he also wants him to be with Sho, who obviously loves him and is willing to give up the world filled with colors just to be with him. And it was quite obvious that Aiba felt the same towards the man, with the way they are around each other. That’s what makes Satoshi hurt. How he was too late in meeting the man that he was taken away already from him. Or perhaps he’s just being selfish, that he wants Aiba to be his in order to finally see his work in color.
A month had passed since then, and Satoshi is moving on, somehow. He went back to being content with what he had: black and white. Gray. Though at times he’d catch a glimpse of color on his paintings whenever Aiba lingers just outside his studio. His chest, eyes and head would still hurt sometimes when he sees Aiba walking down the hall, entering Sho’s studio.
“He’s your soulmate,” Kazunari had told him once, and he just laughed it off, saying how absurd it was. But his friend was serious, and told him that that’s basically what the world they live in was. Everyone has a soulmate who is bound to help them see the world that is filled with colors.
Satoshi commented on how sentimental Kazunari had gotten ever since he met Jun, and all he got in return was a pillow thrown at him. But he knew in himself that he agrees with what his friend told him. But what can he do?
“Aiba-san,” Satoshi found himself calling out to the man one afternoon. Aiba was on his way to Sho’s studio, and he waited for the right time—that moment just then— to approach him. The other looked at him with a smile, and he could feel his eyes start to hurt, but refused to shut them tight. He wondered if Aiba was secretly hurting, too. “Do you have a moment?”
“Un,” he nodded then followed Satoshi inside his studio. Satoshi’s head was pounding as he stared at Aiba and how the light from the window made him look so much better, and for the first time, he felt as if he wanted to paint something other than skies—he wanted to paint the man. But that wasn’t the right time.
“I don’t mean this in a bad way or anything but,” he took a deep breath before speaking again. “Do you know that—“
“—I know, Ohno-san,” Aiba answered immediately without letting him finish first. He asked if Satoshi was hurting at the moment, and he answered yes. And he swore he saw the corner of Aiba’s lips twitch up to a smile. He can’t help but assume that maybe there’s still a chance for him. For them.
“Blue,” A grin appeared on Satoshi’s face as he looked at his most recent piece: it was the ocean and sky filled with clouds, and also a sun. Aiba asked which of the colors was blue, and he pointed at the sky, saying that Kazunari had told him that the sky and ocean is blue. Then they were both silent, just admiring the colors they have in front of them.
“The first color I’ve ever seen is green,” Aiba said. “Nana-chan told me since she was there when I started to see colors. But… they disappeared right away when I drank some medicine for my headache.”
“Jun told me it’s because of how short our time together was,” Satoshi replied, removing the canvas from the easel and grabbing a blank one from the wall; he picked up his brush and palette, painting on the new canvas. He decided to paint the view of outside from his studio windows. He had also decided that he’ll be keeping the piece as a remembrance of the first time he painted with proper colors, a proper image, with Aiba beside him. They both admired his artwork afterwards, Aiba saying how accurate his painting was to the view outside. It was starting to get dark, and that’s when they both realized that Sho had been expecting Aiba to be at his studio for hours now.
Aiba bowed deeply when Satoshi walked him out the door, and properly introduced himself as Aiba Masaki, and so he introduced himself properly as well, as Ohno Satoshi. They both smiled at each other before Masaki walked to Sho’s studio. And that’s when the thought hit Satoshi like a truck: Masaki is still with Sho.
What was good in hanging out with Masaki long enough in one room, though, is that the colors became permanent. From the moment he woke up, he could still see how colorful his surroundings were; from his furniture to the color of the wall and the scenery outside his window, despite not knowing which color was which. All he knew was the color blue, and he finds it amusing how his wardrobe was fifty percent blue. He called Kazunari and invited him over even though he knew how cranky the other can be in the early mornings just like his boyfriend.
Still, Kazunari got there in less than an hour, asking what was wrong. And that’s when Satoshi broke the news to him about everything that happened the day before. His friend was silent for a long while and had a weird look on, and though he was nervous for his response, he kept his grin on his face. Satoshi felt relieved when a smile crept on Kazunari’s face, telling him congratulations, and that he was glad that he can finally see colors. He asked him if he could teach him the names of all the colors, and Kazunari happily taught him which color was which. And he can’t help but point out that he had started liking the color green as well, but he didn’t tell the reason why. That was for him and Masaki only.
He wondered if everything stayed the same for Masaki, and he hoped that it did. But Satoshi also feared that now that they both can see the world and its colors, now that they’ve unlock each other’s access to the world and its beauty, they’d become distant. That Masaki would become distant.
“It doesn’t work like that,” Jun told him when they both met up and he told him his feelings about the situation. Luckily Kazunari was at work, meaning that he’s safe from the snarky side comments from the man; and the both of them were free that time of day—Satoshi was, at least. Jun was on a break. “If you two become distant, everything would go back to being gray. That’s what happened to one of my friends.”
“Do you think he’ll return my feelings?” He asked, and all Jun did was shrug and take a sip of his cappuccino before looking out of the coffee shop’s window. They were both silent, just sipping from their respective drinks from time to time. But before they separated outside of the shop, Jun told him that he should put himself first, that fate already fixed him up with the person close to him, and that he shouldn’t waste time fretting over nonsense. The last thing Jun told him before going back to his workplace was that if it’s not meant to be, then it’s not meant to be. And Satoshi was sure that the last sentence wasn’t for him, but for Sho.
It took him so much courage to approach Masaki again. This time, he purposely bumped into him in the lobby, though knowing how cheesy the move was. Luckily Masaki thought nothing weird of it, and Satoshi was glad that he was on his way home instead of on his way to Sho’s, so he asked the man if he was alright with having dinner with him. It took a second for Masaki to answer, but it was a yes, and he’ll take it as that despite his hesitation. Satoshi took Masaki to one of the restaurants that wasn’t too fancy and wasn’t too casual either. And they both found out that they have a lot in common. It made Satoshi’s heart swell. And for the time being, he decided to ignore the fact that Masaki was still with Sho, and that he’s probably in love with him too.
“I’ve been meaning to ask you, did the colors… stay?” Satoshi asked, sitting properly once their desserts arrive. Masaki smiled, nodding and saying that it did, that he’s really happy to finally see how the world is with colors. And that he’s thankful for Satoshi. A chuckle escaped Satoshi’s lips when Masaki described the color of the cake before eating it. They were both living in the moment, but Satoshi knows that the future can’t be ignored. He thinks that it’s better to be rejected now than to lead whatever it is they have, on.
“Aiba-san,” Satoshi began. Masaki looked at him rather funny because of how much glasses of wine he’d drunk over the past two hours they’ve been there. “Are you in love with him?”
All Satoshi could hear for a minute or two was the soft melody coming from the piano and violin playing in the background. The man in front of him opened his mouth, closed it, and then opened it again. “I don’t know anymore,” Masaki’s voice trembled and he kept repeating the word, over and over. “I used to think that as long as I love someone, it doesn’t matter if they bring me colors or not but, but—“
“When I first saw you and your painting, Ohno-san, I immediately knew it was you,” Masaki continued, drinking the remaining of the wine that was in his glass. “And that principle of mine started to fade away, that I’m not sure if I want to be with Sho or not anymore. No matter how hard I try to focus on him and only him, I can’t just ignore the fact that you’re in the same building as we are.”
Satoshi remained silent the whole time Masaki was speaking, and he felt a pang in his chest at the same time he was feeling happy to know that Masaki felt that way towards him; that he’s having second thoughts being with Sho.
“But Sho-chan... has been there with me for so long,” Masaki shut his eyes for a moment, and then slowly opened them again, staring straight at Satoshi. “But you look so great, Ohno-san. With or without color, you look really great.” His cheeks heated up by the sudden compliment he got from the man, and he just nodded.
“Do you like me then?”
Masaki slowly nodded then buried his face in his hands, apologizing so many times. Satoshi told him that he doesn’t have to apologize, and that it was okay. The taller male looked up at him with teary eyes then took a deep breath, commenting on how nice the night was that he suddenly got emotional. They both laughed at this, and afterwards went their separate ways. Satoshi offered to walk him home, but Masaki rejected his offer, thanking him for paying for the dinner instead.
After that night, the distance between them lessened to the point of being close. They started to hang out more at Satoshi’s studio, watching movies on the new TV he bought and Masaki watching him paint whatever it is that he has in mind. They both settled in quite nicely to their new world, a world full of color and life. Satoshi felt happy for once, and not just his artistic side. Though he’d sometimes ask Masaki if Sho were okay with them being friends; he took notice in how the other would look away before saying that Sho doesn’t mind at all, and that he’s busy with work to even bother thinking about their situation.
Everything was great, and Masaki even agreed to let Satoshi paint him someday. They both shook on it. They’d also go out every once in a while for dinner, a walk around the park or to an arcade where they’d spend half of the day and lots of money, trying to win a stuffed toy from one of the claw machines. Satoshi managed to win one once, a small tiger plush toy, and he gave it to Masaki.
If it’s not meant to be, then it’s not meant to be, was what Jun had told him. Satoshi knows, with every bone in his body, he knows that he and Masaki were a match. That it was meant to be, and all the cheesy crap people would use to describe their soulmates.
“You’re getting married?” He asked the moment Masaki handed over the wedding invitation. It had been six months since they became close. And looking at the invitation in his hand, everything clicked at last. Why Sho was so busy, and why Masaki needed to be home so early over the past few days. It all clicked at last that he felt stupid for being so slow. “So you still do love him.”
It wasn’t a question, but a statement to himself to make everything clear. Masaki shook his head as a no, reaching over for Satoshi’s hand. I’m going to end up hurting him, Masaki said, he loves me too much he’s willing to give up everything.
He was looking at Satoshi with pleading eyes. “I love you, Oh-chan,” He couldn’t believe what Masaki was saying at the moment, and he doesn’t know if he should be angry at him or not. They weren’t in a relationship anyway, so something like marriage between the couple was to be expected. He felt his phone vibrate against his pant leg and he knew that it was Kazunari, probably calling to talk about the marriage invitation that was sent to them as well. But he chose not to answer.
“Everyone is bound to be hurt at some point, Masaki,” Satoshi sighed, moving his hand from Masaki’s. “Sho can’t forever live in pretense, can’t forever believe in your lie that you’re still in love with him. It would have been fine with me if you were to marry him because you loved him, but you don’t anymore. Why put him through that sort of thing, when you can just break his heart now and get it over with?”
This silenced Masaki, making him lean back on the wall at Satoshi’s studio. And Satoshi noticed, for the first time after months of happiness of living in the world filled with colors and happiness, that everything seemed so dim. It made him very uncomfortable. The silence, the situation, even Masaki’s presence made him uncomfortable that time. He hated it. All Masaki told him after that was that he’s sorry, that he’ll do something about it, and that again, he’s sorry for falling for him.
Satoshi wanted to say that he shouldn’t be sorry for feeling whatever it is that he’s feeling towards him because even he wants him to, but he doesn’t say anything while Masaki makes his way to the door.
It was clear that Masaki wasn’t going to do anything about Sho anytime soon, so he decided to take matters into his own hands. He waited for Sho to leave his own studio that night, approaching him in the hallway. Sho greeted him, and so did he in return. Even congratulated and thanked him for inviting him to their wedding. He asked if he had a moment, and Sho said yes. He led them to the big windows, and they both stared out at the city and its lights; its beautiful green, blue and red lights coming from different parts of the city. Taking a deep breath, Satoshi told him everything that happened over the past few months, without leaving anything unsaid. Sho needed to know the whole truth, and though Satoshi isn’t the type to be so upfront with someone other than his two friends, he gathered up all the courage he had to do so.
He didn’t apologize for anything because he knows that it isn’t any of his or Masaki’s fault for things becoming the way they are. They both spent a rather long time there, with him doing most of the talking. Satoshi stood tall when he told him everything, despite the height difference they had. In the end Sho just smiled at him—though it looked bitter in Satoshi’s opinion—thanked him for telling him, and then went home, leaving him staring at the man dumbfounded.
“The wedding is still on,” Jun informed him when they met up a few months after. He’s one of the best men, so it was obvious that Sho would update him on everything that’s going on. It appears as if he’s also one of the wedding planners, seeing how busy he got ever since the invitations got sent out. (Kazunari and Satoshi were both mad at him at some point for keeping it a secret. Jun apologized, and that was when it started getting obvious that he was doing part of the said wedding.)
“Are you okay?” he asked when Satoshi didn’t answer. He only answered with a nod and stirred his coffee with the mixing stick given to him. The truth is, he wasn’t sure exactly if he was okay or not. Masaki was at fault for not getting his thoughts and feelings together, that there’s a possibility of how many people getting hurt just because of it.
“Jun,” Satoshi began. “If Nino wasn’t the one you were matched with, would you still have stayed with him?”
“I would,” Jun answered right away. He asked why the sudden question, but Satoshi only smiled.
“The wedding is in a week,” he said. “Time flies.”
Jun was staring at him with the same sympathetic look Kazunari gave him months ago when he first started getting more eager about knowing what colors are. The younger male told him again that if it’s not meant to be, then it’s not meant to be. But Satoshi wasn’t sure if he should feel better hearing that or not.
Kazunari would ask him if he was coming to the wedding after a few days, and he’d shrug his shoulders, saying “Who knows?” and going back to painting. Masaki had been very busy so they never see each other that much anymore; just a few times in a month. Satoshi thought grimly to himself, that he should get used to a colorful world without a Masaki to share it with, because someday, it’ll all be back to black and white. Gray. Dull.
He finally decided that he won’t be going two days before the wedding. He told Kazunari and Jun about this, and they both understood it very well. He didn’t need to tell Masaki since he’d probably be expecting that he won’t be going already. It was too much for the both of them anyway.
Satoshi frowned at the thought of him not being able to at least paint Masaki even once. He probably won’t be able to anymore either. The next thing he knew, it was the day of the wedding. He stayed at his studio all night before that and painted, and painted, and painted anything and everything that would come to his mind.
In just a few hours, Masaki would be married and taken away forever, Satoshi told himself as he continued painting the scenery outside. It looked normal, and he had painted it so many times already; but he, for some reason, wanted to paint it on that specific date. And he’d keep it dear to himself even though it’s quite pathetic of him to do so. He got a call from Kazunari and Jun that morning but he ignored them; they called again around the time before the wedding but he also ignored them and their calls.
He gritted his teeth as tears roll down his cheeks now. He told himself he wouldn’t cry because that’s what Masaki wanted to do despite his feelings being false for the man he’s marrying. And he can’t help but think to himself how much he’d prefer to be alone in his dull, black and white world than to be alone in a world that’s so happy and colorful. But, he thought. It’ll be gone after some time anyways.
After he finished, his hands and clothes were a mess because of the paint. He wasn’t sure if he had paint on his face too for trying to wipe clean his tear-stained cheeks with the back of his hand. He felt better after crying. His eyes were puffy and felt heavy, yet he removed the canvas from the easel and replaced it with a blank canvas, grabbing some paint from one of his drawers and placing some on his palette, mixing it with another color. He lifted his brush and let it hover on the canvas for a second, but he doesn’t know what to paint or do.
Satoshi stayed still for a few minutes before shutting his eyes when he felt pain on them. He thought it was probably because of Masaki, his soulmate, getting married; that it must happen to everyone who loses theirs to the wrong people. The thought of Sho being the wrong one for Masaki felt rather odd though, because he knows that the man will do the best he can for the man out of love. His eyes stayed closed for a long while, picturing what Masaki looked like. He placed down the paintbrush and grabbed his charcoal pencil instead, drawing the Masaki that’s in his mind as accurately as he can. He smiled, admitting how nice the portrait looks like so far, but he had to stop because of the sudden banging on his door. He figured it was Kazunari, but it was still so early for him to get back from the wedding. His heart skipped a beat when he heard Masaki’s voice call out for him a few times, so he immediately stumbled towards the door and opened it, letting him in.
He stumbled a few steps backwards when the man, who was still wearing a white tux, pounced on him; he placed his hands on Masaki’s shoulders as he balanced himself. They were both quiet for a few moments, just holding each other like that. Satoshi felt uncomfortable for some reason so he broke the silence by asking what he was doing there, and wasn’t he supposed to be at the wedding?
“I told Sho everything, and broke things off,” Masaki held onto him as if his life depends on it. This took Satoshi aback, and he waited for Masaki to continue. The man told him that he and Sho got into a huge argument that morning, with the both of them voicing out their reasons for wanting to continue the marriage and for not wanting to; that even though he knew how badly he hurt the man he was supposed to marry by breaking things off, he still did. But in the end Sho understood, apologized, told him how much he loves him so he’s going to let go. And that Sho told him that he, Satoshi, talked to him, confessing everything. A smile crept onto Satoshi’s face when Masaki mentioned Sho saying the words “if it’s not meant to be, then it’s not meant to be” that Jun had apparently told them both at some point. He asked Masaki another long while of silence if he was sure with his decision, and the man answered with a yes. He’s very, very sure.
“So I'm guessing this is why Nino and Jun were calling…” he mumbled to himself, moving his hands from the man’s shoulders and wrapping his arms around him, holding him closer. Everything was slowly starting to feel so right again, and it makes him happy to know that everything is going to stay that way from now on. He mentally noted that he should talk to Sho again perhaps a few days after that, to apologize and thank him for understanding.
Masaki pulled away, noticing the drawing Satoshi did of him. He proudly showed it to him, but said that it was still not finished. That he still needs to paint it later on.
Satoshi sat back down on his chair and grabbed his charcoal pencil, looking at Masaki for a few moments before facing his canvas and continuing with his drawing. He furrowed his eyebrows in concentration, and Masaki can’t help but think of how adorable Satoshi was when he’s doing art. He told Satoshi how much he admires him especially when he’s doing artwork, and Satoshi just smiled, complimenting him on how nice he looks like with the white tux on.
After moments of comfortable silence between the both of them, Masaki took the initiative and pressed a kiss on the side of Satoshi’s lips, making the older man stop drawing and look at him. They both smiled at each other and Masaki slowly leaned in once more, pressing their lips against each other’s.
And though both of their eyes were closed, they could still see how lively and colorful the world was around them. But only this time, it looked like it was an explosion of every color in one. And Satoshi can’t help but think: finally.
Author:
nidesux a.k.a moi Length: Multi-chaptered. 9,000+ in all. (edited a bit on the last one so the word count got longer)
Pairing: Ohno x Aiba a.k.a Ohba/side pairing(s): Matsumiya & Sakuraiba
Rating: PG-13
Genre: AU Fluff, drama
Summary: In a world of gray, an artist like Satoshi would crave to know what color is.
Note: Last one! This was fun to write. Ohba a.k.a my "smol&tol" ship. Hehe. I feel rather proud of myself for actually writing a multi-chaptered fic, though tennen pair aren't my otp. I just like them so much! Hopefully I'll be able to conjure up something like this as well for my other ships. This was a new experience, at least for me to write something like this. Lol.
It’s been a few days since Toma’s birthday party, and it’s been a few days since he had last seen Aiba and Sho. He made sure now to lock the doors to his studio whenever he’s there, just to be safe. He felt guilty for some reason, yet he felt happy at the same time that he was right about Aiba. What he can’t help but think about though is why the colors don’t stay. Jun told him that it’s because he and Aiba haven’t stayed near each other for a very long time, and that it happened with him and Kazunari before.
He ended up painting three pieces that day, and it was way past midnight when he decided to go home and get some sleep. But of course he just had to run into Sakurai Sho on the way to the elevator. They talked, but things felt awkward. Satoshi knew that the other knew why the person he loved suddenly became dizzy the other night. Still, Sho was respectful towards him, and so was he, despite the tension between them the elevator ride down.
“How’s Aiba…-san?” he added the suffix a moment too late, but he was glad that Sho didn’t take much notice in it and just answered seriously. Aiba is good, he said. He just got dizzy because of work. But the look Sho had on while he told Satoshi this was different, and he knew what it meant. It was the “I-can’t-believe-you’re-the-one-my-lover-is-destined-to-be –with” look.
Again he felt guilty. But it wasn’t his fault that fate just fucked up and made him and Aiba a match. Satoshi wanted to tell him that, but before he could do so, Aiba came running into the lobby. The couple greeted each other with a hug and Aiba greeted him with a bow. All he could do was gaze at them both, feeling a pang in his chest he chose to just ignore. Satoshi left immediately, leaving the two in the lobby as he made his way out of the building and walked all the way home, as per usual.
He’d never feel the same towards you, Satoshi mumbled to himself as he walked; the words Sho said to him at the party the other night about loving someone despite them not being the key to a colorful world came rushing back to his mind. He massaged his now aching head and wondered why fate is too unfair. Because even though he wants Aiba to be his, he also wants him to be with Sho, who obviously loves him and is willing to give up the world filled with colors just to be with him. And it was quite obvious that Aiba felt the same towards the man, with the way they are around each other. That’s what makes Satoshi hurt. How he was too late in meeting the man that he was taken away already from him. Or perhaps he’s just being selfish, that he wants Aiba to be his in order to finally see his work in color.
A month had passed since then, and Satoshi is moving on, somehow. He went back to being content with what he had: black and white. Gray. Though at times he’d catch a glimpse of color on his paintings whenever Aiba lingers just outside his studio. His chest, eyes and head would still hurt sometimes when he sees Aiba walking down the hall, entering Sho’s studio.
“He’s your soulmate,” Kazunari had told him once, and he just laughed it off, saying how absurd it was. But his friend was serious, and told him that that’s basically what the world they live in was. Everyone has a soulmate who is bound to help them see the world that is filled with colors.
Satoshi commented on how sentimental Kazunari had gotten ever since he met Jun, and all he got in return was a pillow thrown at him. But he knew in himself that he agrees with what his friend told him. But what can he do?
“Aiba-san,” Satoshi found himself calling out to the man one afternoon. Aiba was on his way to Sho’s studio, and he waited for the right time—that moment just then— to approach him. The other looked at him with a smile, and he could feel his eyes start to hurt, but refused to shut them tight. He wondered if Aiba was secretly hurting, too. “Do you have a moment?”
“Un,” he nodded then followed Satoshi inside his studio. Satoshi’s head was pounding as he stared at Aiba and how the light from the window made him look so much better, and for the first time, he felt as if he wanted to paint something other than skies—he wanted to paint the man. But that wasn’t the right time.
“I don’t mean this in a bad way or anything but,” he took a deep breath before speaking again. “Do you know that—“
“—I know, Ohno-san,” Aiba answered immediately without letting him finish first. He asked if Satoshi was hurting at the moment, and he answered yes. And he swore he saw the corner of Aiba’s lips twitch up to a smile. He can’t help but assume that maybe there’s still a chance for him. For them.
“Blue,” A grin appeared on Satoshi’s face as he looked at his most recent piece: it was the ocean and sky filled with clouds, and also a sun. Aiba asked which of the colors was blue, and he pointed at the sky, saying that Kazunari had told him that the sky and ocean is blue. Then they were both silent, just admiring the colors they have in front of them.
“The first color I’ve ever seen is green,” Aiba said. “Nana-chan told me since she was there when I started to see colors. But… they disappeared right away when I drank some medicine for my headache.”
“Jun told me it’s because of how short our time together was,” Satoshi replied, removing the canvas from the easel and grabbing a blank one from the wall; he picked up his brush and palette, painting on the new canvas. He decided to paint the view of outside from his studio windows. He had also decided that he’ll be keeping the piece as a remembrance of the first time he painted with proper colors, a proper image, with Aiba beside him. They both admired his artwork afterwards, Aiba saying how accurate his painting was to the view outside. It was starting to get dark, and that’s when they both realized that Sho had been expecting Aiba to be at his studio for hours now.
Aiba bowed deeply when Satoshi walked him out the door, and properly introduced himself as Aiba Masaki, and so he introduced himself properly as well, as Ohno Satoshi. They both smiled at each other before Masaki walked to Sho’s studio. And that’s when the thought hit Satoshi like a truck: Masaki is still with Sho.
What was good in hanging out with Masaki long enough in one room, though, is that the colors became permanent. From the moment he woke up, he could still see how colorful his surroundings were; from his furniture to the color of the wall and the scenery outside his window, despite not knowing which color was which. All he knew was the color blue, and he finds it amusing how his wardrobe was fifty percent blue. He called Kazunari and invited him over even though he knew how cranky the other can be in the early mornings just like his boyfriend.
Still, Kazunari got there in less than an hour, asking what was wrong. And that’s when Satoshi broke the news to him about everything that happened the day before. His friend was silent for a long while and had a weird look on, and though he was nervous for his response, he kept his grin on his face. Satoshi felt relieved when a smile crept on Kazunari’s face, telling him congratulations, and that he was glad that he can finally see colors. He asked him if he could teach him the names of all the colors, and Kazunari happily taught him which color was which. And he can’t help but point out that he had started liking the color green as well, but he didn’t tell the reason why. That was for him and Masaki only.
He wondered if everything stayed the same for Masaki, and he hoped that it did. But Satoshi also feared that now that they both can see the world and its colors, now that they’ve unlock each other’s access to the world and its beauty, they’d become distant. That Masaki would become distant.
“It doesn’t work like that,” Jun told him when they both met up and he told him his feelings about the situation. Luckily Kazunari was at work, meaning that he’s safe from the snarky side comments from the man; and the both of them were free that time of day—Satoshi was, at least. Jun was on a break. “If you two become distant, everything would go back to being gray. That’s what happened to one of my friends.”
“Do you think he’ll return my feelings?” He asked, and all Jun did was shrug and take a sip of his cappuccino before looking out of the coffee shop’s window. They were both silent, just sipping from their respective drinks from time to time. But before they separated outside of the shop, Jun told him that he should put himself first, that fate already fixed him up with the person close to him, and that he shouldn’t waste time fretting over nonsense. The last thing Jun told him before going back to his workplace was that if it’s not meant to be, then it’s not meant to be. And Satoshi was sure that the last sentence wasn’t for him, but for Sho.
It took him so much courage to approach Masaki again. This time, he purposely bumped into him in the lobby, though knowing how cheesy the move was. Luckily Masaki thought nothing weird of it, and Satoshi was glad that he was on his way home instead of on his way to Sho’s, so he asked the man if he was alright with having dinner with him. It took a second for Masaki to answer, but it was a yes, and he’ll take it as that despite his hesitation. Satoshi took Masaki to one of the restaurants that wasn’t too fancy and wasn’t too casual either. And they both found out that they have a lot in common. It made Satoshi’s heart swell. And for the time being, he decided to ignore the fact that Masaki was still with Sho, and that he’s probably in love with him too.
“I’ve been meaning to ask you, did the colors… stay?” Satoshi asked, sitting properly once their desserts arrive. Masaki smiled, nodding and saying that it did, that he’s really happy to finally see how the world is with colors. And that he’s thankful for Satoshi. A chuckle escaped Satoshi’s lips when Masaki described the color of the cake before eating it. They were both living in the moment, but Satoshi knows that the future can’t be ignored. He thinks that it’s better to be rejected now than to lead whatever it is they have, on.
“Aiba-san,” Satoshi began. Masaki looked at him rather funny because of how much glasses of wine he’d drunk over the past two hours they’ve been there. “Are you in love with him?”
All Satoshi could hear for a minute or two was the soft melody coming from the piano and violin playing in the background. The man in front of him opened his mouth, closed it, and then opened it again. “I don’t know anymore,” Masaki’s voice trembled and he kept repeating the word, over and over. “I used to think that as long as I love someone, it doesn’t matter if they bring me colors or not but, but—“
“When I first saw you and your painting, Ohno-san, I immediately knew it was you,” Masaki continued, drinking the remaining of the wine that was in his glass. “And that principle of mine started to fade away, that I’m not sure if I want to be with Sho or not anymore. No matter how hard I try to focus on him and only him, I can’t just ignore the fact that you’re in the same building as we are.”
Satoshi remained silent the whole time Masaki was speaking, and he felt a pang in his chest at the same time he was feeling happy to know that Masaki felt that way towards him; that he’s having second thoughts being with Sho.
“But Sho-chan... has been there with me for so long,” Masaki shut his eyes for a moment, and then slowly opened them again, staring straight at Satoshi. “But you look so great, Ohno-san. With or without color, you look really great.” His cheeks heated up by the sudden compliment he got from the man, and he just nodded.
“Do you like me then?”
Masaki slowly nodded then buried his face in his hands, apologizing so many times. Satoshi told him that he doesn’t have to apologize, and that it was okay. The taller male looked up at him with teary eyes then took a deep breath, commenting on how nice the night was that he suddenly got emotional. They both laughed at this, and afterwards went their separate ways. Satoshi offered to walk him home, but Masaki rejected his offer, thanking him for paying for the dinner instead.
After that night, the distance between them lessened to the point of being close. They started to hang out more at Satoshi’s studio, watching movies on the new TV he bought and Masaki watching him paint whatever it is that he has in mind. They both settled in quite nicely to their new world, a world full of color and life. Satoshi felt happy for once, and not just his artistic side. Though he’d sometimes ask Masaki if Sho were okay with them being friends; he took notice in how the other would look away before saying that Sho doesn’t mind at all, and that he’s busy with work to even bother thinking about their situation.
Everything was great, and Masaki even agreed to let Satoshi paint him someday. They both shook on it. They’d also go out every once in a while for dinner, a walk around the park or to an arcade where they’d spend half of the day and lots of money, trying to win a stuffed toy from one of the claw machines. Satoshi managed to win one once, a small tiger plush toy, and he gave it to Masaki.
If it’s not meant to be, then it’s not meant to be, was what Jun had told him. Satoshi knows, with every bone in his body, he knows that he and Masaki were a match. That it was meant to be, and all the cheesy crap people would use to describe their soulmates.
“You’re getting married?” He asked the moment Masaki handed over the wedding invitation. It had been six months since they became close. And looking at the invitation in his hand, everything clicked at last. Why Sho was so busy, and why Masaki needed to be home so early over the past few days. It all clicked at last that he felt stupid for being so slow. “So you still do love him.”
It wasn’t a question, but a statement to himself to make everything clear. Masaki shook his head as a no, reaching over for Satoshi’s hand. I’m going to end up hurting him, Masaki said, he loves me too much he’s willing to give up everything.
He was looking at Satoshi with pleading eyes. “I love you, Oh-chan,” He couldn’t believe what Masaki was saying at the moment, and he doesn’t know if he should be angry at him or not. They weren’t in a relationship anyway, so something like marriage between the couple was to be expected. He felt his phone vibrate against his pant leg and he knew that it was Kazunari, probably calling to talk about the marriage invitation that was sent to them as well. But he chose not to answer.
“Everyone is bound to be hurt at some point, Masaki,” Satoshi sighed, moving his hand from Masaki’s. “Sho can’t forever live in pretense, can’t forever believe in your lie that you’re still in love with him. It would have been fine with me if you were to marry him because you loved him, but you don’t anymore. Why put him through that sort of thing, when you can just break his heart now and get it over with?”
This silenced Masaki, making him lean back on the wall at Satoshi’s studio. And Satoshi noticed, for the first time after months of happiness of living in the world filled with colors and happiness, that everything seemed so dim. It made him very uncomfortable. The silence, the situation, even Masaki’s presence made him uncomfortable that time. He hated it. All Masaki told him after that was that he’s sorry, that he’ll do something about it, and that again, he’s sorry for falling for him.
Satoshi wanted to say that he shouldn’t be sorry for feeling whatever it is that he’s feeling towards him because even he wants him to, but he doesn’t say anything while Masaki makes his way to the door.
It was clear that Masaki wasn’t going to do anything about Sho anytime soon, so he decided to take matters into his own hands. He waited for Sho to leave his own studio that night, approaching him in the hallway. Sho greeted him, and so did he in return. Even congratulated and thanked him for inviting him to their wedding. He asked if he had a moment, and Sho said yes. He led them to the big windows, and they both stared out at the city and its lights; its beautiful green, blue and red lights coming from different parts of the city. Taking a deep breath, Satoshi told him everything that happened over the past few months, without leaving anything unsaid. Sho needed to know the whole truth, and though Satoshi isn’t the type to be so upfront with someone other than his two friends, he gathered up all the courage he had to do so.
He didn’t apologize for anything because he knows that it isn’t any of his or Masaki’s fault for things becoming the way they are. They both spent a rather long time there, with him doing most of the talking. Satoshi stood tall when he told him everything, despite the height difference they had. In the end Sho just smiled at him—though it looked bitter in Satoshi’s opinion—thanked him for telling him, and then went home, leaving him staring at the man dumbfounded.
“The wedding is still on,” Jun informed him when they met up a few months after. He’s one of the best men, so it was obvious that Sho would update him on everything that’s going on. It appears as if he’s also one of the wedding planners, seeing how busy he got ever since the invitations got sent out. (Kazunari and Satoshi were both mad at him at some point for keeping it a secret. Jun apologized, and that was when it started getting obvious that he was doing part of the said wedding.)
“Are you okay?” he asked when Satoshi didn’t answer. He only answered with a nod and stirred his coffee with the mixing stick given to him. The truth is, he wasn’t sure exactly if he was okay or not. Masaki was at fault for not getting his thoughts and feelings together, that there’s a possibility of how many people getting hurt just because of it.
“Jun,” Satoshi began. “If Nino wasn’t the one you were matched with, would you still have stayed with him?”
“I would,” Jun answered right away. He asked why the sudden question, but Satoshi only smiled.
“The wedding is in a week,” he said. “Time flies.”
Jun was staring at him with the same sympathetic look Kazunari gave him months ago when he first started getting more eager about knowing what colors are. The younger male told him again that if it’s not meant to be, then it’s not meant to be. But Satoshi wasn’t sure if he should feel better hearing that or not.
Kazunari would ask him if he was coming to the wedding after a few days, and he’d shrug his shoulders, saying “Who knows?” and going back to painting. Masaki had been very busy so they never see each other that much anymore; just a few times in a month. Satoshi thought grimly to himself, that he should get used to a colorful world without a Masaki to share it with, because someday, it’ll all be back to black and white. Gray. Dull.
He finally decided that he won’t be going two days before the wedding. He told Kazunari and Jun about this, and they both understood it very well. He didn’t need to tell Masaki since he’d probably be expecting that he won’t be going already. It was too much for the both of them anyway.
Satoshi frowned at the thought of him not being able to at least paint Masaki even once. He probably won’t be able to anymore either. The next thing he knew, it was the day of the wedding. He stayed at his studio all night before that and painted, and painted, and painted anything and everything that would come to his mind.
In just a few hours, Masaki would be married and taken away forever, Satoshi told himself as he continued painting the scenery outside. It looked normal, and he had painted it so many times already; but he, for some reason, wanted to paint it on that specific date. And he’d keep it dear to himself even though it’s quite pathetic of him to do so. He got a call from Kazunari and Jun that morning but he ignored them; they called again around the time before the wedding but he also ignored them and their calls.
He gritted his teeth as tears roll down his cheeks now. He told himself he wouldn’t cry because that’s what Masaki wanted to do despite his feelings being false for the man he’s marrying. And he can’t help but think to himself how much he’d prefer to be alone in his dull, black and white world than to be alone in a world that’s so happy and colorful. But, he thought. It’ll be gone after some time anyways.
After he finished, his hands and clothes were a mess because of the paint. He wasn’t sure if he had paint on his face too for trying to wipe clean his tear-stained cheeks with the back of his hand. He felt better after crying. His eyes were puffy and felt heavy, yet he removed the canvas from the easel and replaced it with a blank canvas, grabbing some paint from one of his drawers and placing some on his palette, mixing it with another color. He lifted his brush and let it hover on the canvas for a second, but he doesn’t know what to paint or do.
Satoshi stayed still for a few minutes before shutting his eyes when he felt pain on them. He thought it was probably because of Masaki, his soulmate, getting married; that it must happen to everyone who loses theirs to the wrong people. The thought of Sho being the wrong one for Masaki felt rather odd though, because he knows that the man will do the best he can for the man out of love. His eyes stayed closed for a long while, picturing what Masaki looked like. He placed down the paintbrush and grabbed his charcoal pencil instead, drawing the Masaki that’s in his mind as accurately as he can. He smiled, admitting how nice the portrait looks like so far, but he had to stop because of the sudden banging on his door. He figured it was Kazunari, but it was still so early for him to get back from the wedding. His heart skipped a beat when he heard Masaki’s voice call out for him a few times, so he immediately stumbled towards the door and opened it, letting him in.
He stumbled a few steps backwards when the man, who was still wearing a white tux, pounced on him; he placed his hands on Masaki’s shoulders as he balanced himself. They were both quiet for a few moments, just holding each other like that. Satoshi felt uncomfortable for some reason so he broke the silence by asking what he was doing there, and wasn’t he supposed to be at the wedding?
“I told Sho everything, and broke things off,” Masaki held onto him as if his life depends on it. This took Satoshi aback, and he waited for Masaki to continue. The man told him that he and Sho got into a huge argument that morning, with the both of them voicing out their reasons for wanting to continue the marriage and for not wanting to; that even though he knew how badly he hurt the man he was supposed to marry by breaking things off, he still did. But in the end Sho understood, apologized, told him how much he loves him so he’s going to let go. And that Sho told him that he, Satoshi, talked to him, confessing everything. A smile crept onto Satoshi’s face when Masaki mentioned Sho saying the words “if it’s not meant to be, then it’s not meant to be” that Jun had apparently told them both at some point. He asked Masaki another long while of silence if he was sure with his decision, and the man answered with a yes. He’s very, very sure.
“So I'm guessing this is why Nino and Jun were calling…” he mumbled to himself, moving his hands from the man’s shoulders and wrapping his arms around him, holding him closer. Everything was slowly starting to feel so right again, and it makes him happy to know that everything is going to stay that way from now on. He mentally noted that he should talk to Sho again perhaps a few days after that, to apologize and thank him for understanding.
Masaki pulled away, noticing the drawing Satoshi did of him. He proudly showed it to him, but said that it was still not finished. That he still needs to paint it later on.
Satoshi sat back down on his chair and grabbed his charcoal pencil, looking at Masaki for a few moments before facing his canvas and continuing with his drawing. He furrowed his eyebrows in concentration, and Masaki can’t help but think of how adorable Satoshi was when he’s doing art. He told Satoshi how much he admires him especially when he’s doing artwork, and Satoshi just smiled, complimenting him on how nice he looks like with the white tux on.
After moments of comfortable silence between the both of them, Masaki took the initiative and pressed a kiss on the side of Satoshi’s lips, making the older man stop drawing and look at him. They both smiled at each other and Masaki slowly leaned in once more, pressing their lips against each other’s.
And though both of their eyes were closed, they could still see how lively and colorful the world was around them. But only this time, it looked like it was an explosion of every color in one. And Satoshi can’t help but think: finally.
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Date: 2016-07-16 06:05 am (UTC)I think you may have almost converted me.
Thank you for sharing something so beautiful.
Oh, and for the Matsumiya parts as well. 💕💕
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Date: 2016-07-16 06:37 am (UTC)Spreadin' the Ohba and Matsumiya love~ hehe.
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Date: 2016-07-16 08:00 am (UTC)There's really something comfortable when reading tennen pair for me. They make me feel calm even though this story got really tense. And this is sooo nice. Thanks for writing this one! Prompt came true ;)
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Date: 2016-07-16 09:11 am (UTC)Same here! Though the things I've read about them were mostly angst-y fics. I thought why not write ohba, but I ended up writing on the same genre. But anyway. Thanks so much for taking the time to read and comment on this! :)
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Date: 2016-07-16 11:41 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-07-16 09:33 pm (UTC)Thanks for reading.
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Date: 2016-07-18 02:52 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-07-18 08:00 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2017-05-01 05:20 am (UTC)This was the first Ten'nen pairing fic that I liked, ever!!!! Being a MatsuMiya/Juntoshi/SakurAiba/(and recently) Sakumoto shipper, I confess that the angst SakurAiba made a rift in my heart, but you wrote the Ten'nen so beautifully that I was cheering for them before I could stop myself!!!
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Date: 2017-05-01 10:36 am (UTC)Thanks for taking the time to read this fic of mine and for leaving a comment! (tbh, your comment made me feel for this multi-part again. In other words, your comment made me happy! :D)