Erase

Jul. 2nd, 2016 04:04 pm
aranix: (SA3)
[personal profile] aranix
Title: Erase
Author: [livejournal.com profile] nidesux a.k.a moi
Length: One Shot
Pairing: Aiba x Sho/ Aiba x Jun
Rating: PG
Genre: Angst(?) Drama
Summary: In Ohno Satoshi's Memory Department, one can pay to playback memories and regain shattered ones.
Warnings/note: No warnings. (Perhaps that this is unbeta'ed and is angst af) This was inspired by the MV of D&E's "Growing Pains" I don't own any of them, sadly. Fiction-desu!

Client 0237 - Aiba Masaki

"How may I help you today, Aiba-san?"

Satoshi was sitting on his usual blue chair; pen in hand while he looks through the man's file given to him beforehand. His eyes wander to the very bottom of the page, the words "Shattered Memories" written on it.

"Please," Masaki began, and Satoshi could hear his voice tremble. "Help me regain parts of my memory."

"Tell me more," Satoshi said, then continued speaking when he saw the confused look on the man's face. "Any flashbacks? Headaches? How long has this been going? And tell me why those particular parts are important."

It took a moment for Masaki to answer; he took a deep breath first then chewed on his lower lip. "Because those memories were the ones with the person I love... I think."

"You think?"

"We were always together," he continued. "Holding hands and such. I'm not really sure if they're a girl or a boy."

"Why?" Satoshi asked, moving his gaze from Masaki's face to the paper on his table, writting down the information.

"I've had lots of flashbacks over the past month. In one flashback I could tell that they had long hair; in another I could tell that they had short hair."

"You don't see any parts of their face?"

"No," Masaki shook his head. "But I did see their smile once in a dream. And I woke up with a headache."

Satoshi hummed in response to show that he was listening while writting. Then he asked if Masaki was okay with him playing back his memories, to which the latter nodded.

"It's focused on the lower part of the face..." Satoshi mumbled as he stared at the projector screen in front of them. In that memory they could tell that the person had long, dyed hair. He looked at Masaki when he heard him sigh.

"Aiba-san," Masaki moved his gaze from the projector to Satoshi. "Do you think it'd be worth it if we do regain these memories?"

He noticed Masaki tense up, and they were both silent for a while; a different memory playing in the background.

"I do."

Satoshi adviced that he should start writing about the flashbacks that keep occuring. To write if there was a place, a different part of the face or anything that he can remember.

"Aiba-san," Satoshi called out for him before he left his office. "I've noticed that you have a scar on your right arm."

"It was from a car crash four years ago," the man answered, understanding what he meant. "I had a short-term memory lost for a few weeks, and I managed to regain them. Not the important ones though obviously."

Satoshi can't help but stare at Masaki's smile. The latter excused himself then left.

Masaki called him two days after their first session, saying that the person they saw in the flashbacks was a man.

"That's good," Satoshi smiled to himself, writing down Masaki's progress in his file. "Anything else?"

"Just that they—he—has a nice back," he could hear the excitement on the man's voice; he asked what was wrong when  Masaki suddenly fell silent.

"I'm starting to think if this is all worth it, Ohno-san,"

"You said that it was just the other day."

"What if I do regain my memory of him, but they no longer remember me or want to be with me? What if we were in a relationship and broke up horribly? What i—"

"Aiba-san,"  Satoshi placed his pen down then adjusted his glasses. "Let's not over-think, alright? We'll see what will happen in the next few days."

He heard Masaki sigh. "Okay, Ohno-san; see you."

The man came back on their scheduled session. Masaki looked sad, in Satoshi's opinion. It was like a different Masaki from the first time he saw him. The Masaki who looked hopeful.

"Are you okay?" Satoshi was the first one to break the silence; he was reading Masaki's file though he just skimmed through it a few hours ago.

"Un."

"Over-thinking again?"

"I dreamt of him last night," Masaki mumbled. Satoshi turned his gaze at him, lifting an eyebrow in question.

"You saw his face?"

"No. Again, it was just his back. He was walking away from me," Masaki flashed a grin. "It hurt."

Satoshi found it weird how he was still smiling.

It's better to not remember painful things, he wanted to say. But the way Masaki's sad look changed to being hopeful again, made him think that he should continue helping him.

He played back the memory Masaki was talking about a few days ago. The other didn't want to look so he just closed his eyes, answering to Satoshi's questions every now and then.

"Aiba-san," Masaki opened his eyes, heaving a relieved sigh that the memory wasn't playing anymore before looking at Satoshi. "Do you think it'd be worth it if we do regain these memories?"

Masaki's lips formed a thin line, nodding his head while his eyes turn slightly red. "I do."

Before they knew it, it's been two months since they started with their sessions. He has lost count on how many sessions they've already done, since Masaki would suddenly drop by from time to time, just to talk about a dream from a nap. And no matter how hard he tries to reject the payment since it wasn't their scheduled day, Masaki would always leave it at his table before leaving.

Masaki's file was placed on its usual spot on Satoshi's table. The progress they've had over the past two months, in his opinion, weren't so good. All Masaki remembered was how the man looked from the side and back, but still remained faceless.

Satoshi sometimes wondered why Masaki is too desperate to regain those memories of his. He also wondered if that person in his memories were still alive or not; if that person is still in Masaki's life or not.

"Ohno-san," Masaki's cheerful voice rang on the phone. Satoshi greeted him as usual, asking how he was doing.

"I'm doing great! I actually ran into an old friend who just got back from America," Satoshi hummed, letting the man know that he was listening. Masaki continued with his story, saying that he and his friend went out for some coffee just a while ago.

"It's weird, though..."

"What is?"

"I don't really remember much about our friendship." As if something suddenly clicked in Satoshi's mind, he reached for his pen and for Masaki's file.

"Aiba-san,"

"Un?"

"Do you think it'd be worth it if we do regain these memories?"

He could tell that Masaki was smiling. "I do. See you tomorrow, Ohno-san!"


"Let's talk about your old friend," Satoshi held onto his pen while staring at Masaki.

"Ah, well he's Sakurai Sho. He just got back from America the other day, he told me. He's very nice," Masaki smiled.

"Does he know that you've been coming here to regain your shattered memories of someone?"

"I've never told anyone about this," the man in front of him replied.

"Okay," Satoshi nodded. "Any flashbacks or dreams lately?"

"Not really. But I did experience a headache the other day..."

"The other day, meaning the day you ran into your friend?" Masaki nodded, and Satoshi eyed him for a few moments before writing down the words "how oblivious" on a small piece of paper before crumpling it up and throwing it away.

Satoshi receieved an email a few weeks after that session.

Good evening. I've heard from a friend that you're from a Memory Department... what do I do if someone doesn't remember me entirely?

And he knew who it was the moment he read it, even if the sender was using an alias.

I think it's better for us to discuss this in person. Please do stop by my office (if your friend mentioned where it was) And if they haven't, please reply so I can send the address. Thank you.

Satoshi waited for a reply from the man, but it never came.

It's been three months since Masaki's sessions with him started. They were still stuck.

Satoshi has been doing this for years now, and even though he has observed and found out so many things about each client, he would never tell this to them. He thinks it's better for the client to find things out themselves.

He considered telling Masaki the truth when the man came to him one evening, crying. He asked what happened the moment he opened the door, but the man only hugged him.

"Sho-chan..." Satoshi tensed up at this, and he felt a tinge of hope that Masaki finally caught up to everything.

"Sho-chan reminds me so much of the person in my memories!"

He was stuck again. Satoshi clicked his tongue in slight annoyance, but moved his hand to gently pat Masaki's back.

"Aiba-san... what if—just what if—Sakurai-san is—"

But before he could finish his sentence, his next client, Jun, was there behind them; standing awkwardly. Masaki must have noticed this because he immediately pulled away and wiped his tears with the sleeves of his sweater, flashing a grin. "Sorry about that, Ohno-san."

"Ah, no, it's fine. Are you alright?"

Masaki nodded then turned to Jun, bowing. "Excuse me."

He left afterwards, ignoring Satoshi when he tried to call after him. Masaki didn't go to three of their scheduled sessions, and Satoshi was beginning to worry because the man was ignoring his calls and emails.

Satoshi was staring at the email the person named "Shunsuke" sent him a month ago, and as much as he wanted to ask where his client was; in the end, he thought, he doesn't have enough evidence to confirm that the man, Shunsuke, was who he thought it was.

Masaki came back on the day that marks their fourth month of meeting each other.

"There's no progress is there, Ohno-san?" Masaki asked the moment he sat down. Satoshi frowned, only answering with a nod. "Do you think I should stop with all of this? I've already hurt myself enough."

"If you think it's for the best, Aiba-san; I guess we should stop."

Masaki remained silent for a few moments, then asked if it's okay for him to watch his memories on the projector screen one last time.

"It's not worth it anymore," Masaki mumbled after Satoshi played a few of his memories. It was still the same back and side view—the man was still faceless except for the smile.

"Thank you so much for your time and effort, Ohno-san," Masaki bowed deeply before turning towards the door and opening it; he turned back to look at Satoshi again, flashing a smile. "We can still be friends, right?"

"Of course." Satoshi returned the smile. Masaki nodded then left, marking the last day of their sessions.

They both kept their word that they'd be friends. Masaki kept him updated on how his life was going, and Satoshi did the same.

Sakurai Sho walked inside his office two months after, and Satoshi recognized him immediately because of the slopping shoulders.

"How may I help you?"

"It was me." Sho said. "I was the person Masaki forgot."

"I know," Satoshi simply replied.

"You didn't even help him!" Sho snapped. Satoshi hardly even flinched. "He still doesn't remember me."

"He stopped wanting to remember you, Sakurai-san."

The man standing in front of his table fell silent. Satoshi moved a few things, then opened one of his drawers, playing one of Masaki's memories that he kept.

"That's you, right?" Satoshi pointed at the projector screen, which was showing a man who had his back turned, walking away into the distance.

"Why couldn't he remember me?"

A sigh left Satoshi's lips, looking down while he fidgeted with his favorite pen. "Even I don't know, Sakurai-san. I'm also at fault."

"If only I hadn't left for America..." Sho took a seat in front of him, burying his face in his hands.

"Why didn't you stay in contact with him, Sakurai-san?"

"He was the one who told me not to. That's why I wasn't allowed to go back when he got into that car accident four years ago," Sho looked at him, eyes bloodshot. "I was so confused when he couldn't remember the day I left, and I just thought that he chose not to remember because of how much it affected him—the both of us."

Satoshi was trying his best not to write the information down; he reminded himself that Sho wasn't his client or anything, and that he was just there to let everything out.

"Were you in a relationship?"

"Almost. If it weren't for my boss promoting me and changing my base to America instead of just Osaka," Sho sighed. "I was so happy when he mentioned that he was coming to this Memory Department. I thought that I had hope for him to love me again. Because, well, he was too unreachable these past few months,"

"You didn't try hard enough."

"I know, and I hate it! This is too unfair!"

"You can't force him to remember you, Sakurai-san. Especially, you can't force him to love you again. Isn't it better for him to know you as a close friend, than to not know you at all?"

Sho was glaring at him, but his expression softened after a moment or two. He then looked around Satoshi's office, sighing again.

"Are you saying that I should just give up on him?"

"You can still be friends, there's nothing wrong with that," Satoshi said. "But Aiba-san has mentioned that being with you makes him remember "the person" in his memories."

Satoshi's phone lit up, showing a LINE message from no one other than Masaki. He and Sho glanced at it, and Satoshi immediately grabbed the phone when he noticed there was a picture attached to the message. "Oh,"

It was a picture of Masaki and his other client, Jun, together. "We're making new memories, Oh-chan!"

He had to read Masaki's message over and over again to let it sink in. Sho noticed this and asked what it was. "It's from Masaki, am I right?"

"Un," Satoshi answered, excusing himself so he can type in a quick message. Sho was staring blankly at his table when he returned.

"Was it something bad?"

"No," he replied. "It was something great, actually."

"I saw a glimpse of the picture," Sho stared at him.

Satoshi sighed, unlocking his phone and showing the message to the man. "There."

"It's over," Sho had this smile on that reminded Satoshi of the smile Masaki had once. Forced. Bitter.

He shoved his phone inside his pocket, sitting back down on his chair, and staring at the man. "It's over."

Sho's sudden laughter sent shivers down his spine, but he didn't show any reaction to it. The man's laughter turned into soft sobs, but Sho was looking down so Satoshi wouldn't see him cry.

"It hurts." Sho said after a few minutes, then looked at him, wearing a smile. Satoshi can't help but be reminded of Masaki, again.

"You should move o—"

"Ohno-san," Sho cut him off. "I read that one can pay for you to playback their memories and regain shattered ones."

"Un."

"How much do I have to pay for you to erase parts of mine?"

"Eh? Sakurai-san..." Satoshi was taken aback by this. He's stopped including the option of erasing memories in his department. Though he can't help but feel nostalgia by the request. He pushed away the sudden thoughts of one of his first clients, client 0017 - Ninomiya Kazunari—who was the very first to request Memory Erasure—then focused back on the man in front of him.

"Please," Sho began, and Satoshi could hear his voice trembling, remembering the day Masaki first came to his office. "Erase my memories of ever loving Masaki. Just leave the ones I had before I fell in love with him."

"Sakurai-san," Sho gave him a questioning look. "You can't erase your feelings for someone."

"Well Masaki, along with you, did a pretty good job in doing it to him. You're practically saying that one's heart can't forget, but how come Masaki's forgot about me?"

Satoshi felt defeated when he heard those words. Sho was staring at him, waiting for an answer.

"Sakurai-san," Satoshi said. "Do you think it'd be worth it if we erase your memories of him?"

They both fell silent, and Satoshi could hear Sho's heavy breathing. The latter closed his eyes, his voice almost coming out as a whisper.

"I do."

Client 0239 - Sakurai Sho

Date: 2016-07-02 10:36 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] masakidotkom.livejournal.com
Oh Sho..it must be so painful for him that he decided to erase the memories and he knows he's not trying hard enough to help Masaki..but Masaki needs to move on..but I want my Sakuraiba to be together..haaa...feelings are so complicated..
Plot twist: Masaki remember Sho after Sho erase his memories..major angst..lol..

Date: 2016-07-02 11:31 am (UTC)
ext_1898530: (Default)
From: [identity profile] nidesux.livejournal.com
Can't help but squeal thinking of the plot twist. Hehe. Thanks for reading~

Date: 2016-07-02 01:25 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] koi-choshi.livejournal.com
Oh I would love to see more of this!!! Thanks for writing!!!

Date: 2016-07-02 02:29 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] masakidotkom.livejournal.com
Rather than squeal, how about you make a sequel..? So that we can squeal together..lol. (Pun intended, sorry..blame it on 99.9..) oh I re-read and notice tiny winy of Ohmiya..or is it not..?anyway, it really break my heart when i read this fic (n i read it twice, my heart break twice..lol) I want my Sakuraiba to be together! XD

Date: 2016-07-02 10:46 pm (UTC)
ext_1898530: (Default)
From: [identity profile] nidesux.livejournal.com
I'm sorry for the broken hearts over this ;;
That pun tho. Hahaha! Well you squinted hard enough to see them. Nice xD

As for Sakuraiba... -wiggling my eyebrows-

Date: 2016-07-03 07:11 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] masakidotkom.livejournal.com
Oh you teaser..come on pretty..I know you'll write the sequel, so we could squeal together..XD

Date: 2016-07-02 01:31 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] deelovesryo.livejournal.com
It was pretty interesting!
Thanks for sharing^^

Date: 2016-07-02 10:47 pm (UTC)
ext_1898530: (Default)
From: [identity profile] nidesux.livejournal.com
Thank you for reading and commenting! :D

Date: 2016-07-02 03:11 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] nin-nin15.livejournal.com
This is sad. But very interesting. I would be cool to see what happens next to all of them and maybe even a backstory Nino. :)

Date: 2016-07-02 10:47 pm (UTC)
ext_1898530: (Default)
From: [identity profile] nidesux.livejournal.com
Oh~ a backstory would be nice, ne? Hahaha! Thanks for reading and commenting! ^^

Date: 2016-11-15 12:28 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] nin-nin15.livejournal.com

I read this fic again bc of the sequel. Ughhh i teared up at Sho's problem/dilemma/feelings. T^T

Date: 2016-07-02 07:59 pm (UTC)
akhikaru: (Default)
From: [personal profile] akhikaru
Wow, this was very interesting :D
The ending was great (loooove the angst xD)
Thanks for this :)

Date: 2016-07-02 10:47 pm (UTC)
ext_1898530: (Default)
From: [identity profile] nidesux.livejournal.com
Glad you liked it! Thanks for reading and commenting :D

Date: 2016-07-02 10:17 pm (UTC)
learashi: (Default)
From: [personal profile] learashi
What perfect angst. So many unrequited feelings on every side.
Such a great ending too.

Date: 2016-07-02 10:46 pm (UTC)
ext_1898530: (Default)
From: [identity profile] nidesux.livejournal.com
Thanks for reading and commenting!

Date: 2016-07-03 02:02 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sushi4ever.livejournal.com
Why you are doing this to me? T_T
I really love it! Poor sho-Chan >< it must be very painful on him!!

Thank you for writing it^^

Date: 2016-07-03 02:12 am (UTC)
ext_1898530: (Default)
From: [identity profile] nidesux.livejournal.com
I knew you'd read this! xD
I'm sorry~~ ;^; But thanks for reading and commenting!

Date: 2016-07-03 07:52 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sushi4ever.livejournal.com
Ehhhh how you knew that I read it? O.O

Date: 2016-07-03 07:55 am (UTC)
ext_1898530: (Default)
From: [identity profile] nidesux.livejournal.com
Just a feeling, I guess? (Feeling, more like because it's SA :p XD jkjK~)

Date: 2016-07-10 02:30 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ica-90.livejournal.com
it has been a long time since i read a decent Sakuraiba fic. this makes me shiver. i love everything in this fic, though... i don't really understand why Ohno didn't help Aiba to remember.

thanks a lot for writing this. it's lovely <3

Date: 2016-07-11 06:34 am (UTC)
ext_1898530: (Default)
From: [identity profile] nidesux.livejournal.com
Aww thanks so much for taking the time to read this and leaving a comment! :) <3

Date: 2016-11-15 12:32 pm (UTC)
rollingday_s: (rolling day_s)
From: [personal profile] rollingday_s
Ah, darn it, did you just shatter my OTP to give me my second best OTP? You're such a bad person. I have mixed feelings about this.

I mean I loved it. But I hated it. If that makes sense.

So thank you, but not so thank you. è.é

And now I'm onto the Ohmiya one.

Date: 2016-11-15 08:50 pm (UTC)
ext_1898530: (Aibakun~)
From: [identity profile] nidesux.livejournal.com
Trust me, I felt the same way when I re-read this a while ago. xD (SHOOOOO ;;)

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